Monday, August 10, 2009

Moody's Diner

My mood has really taken a turn for the worse since the last time I updated. I have no idea what has gotten into me. I wish I could understand my own mind.

The past week for the most part has been spent in my room. I have done almost nothing other than for binging on a newly found guilty pleasure (Gossip Girl). The past week I've stayed up till as late as 3 a.m, woken up at 10 a.m, eaten lunch at 4 p.m, and had dinner at 1 a.m. I think it's starting to show because my skin is acting weird.

Today I finally left the house to go to the gym with a friend. On our way back to catch the bus home I fell a little behind and was consequently left behind by not only the bus but also by my friend who went home on the bus I couldn't catch.

He finally came back from New York. I missed him so much the whole time he was gone, but now that he's back I pick fights with him. I'm angry at him for not texting, which seems silly even to me, and I feel like that amazing feeling I had before about everything was a slip; a temporary rosecoloured glass outlook on life.

I don't know what has led to my hermit lifestyle or my sudden exhaustion. I think I'm trapped in my own mind.

To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream. ~Sylvia Plath

4 comments:

skinnylittlesister said...

(((Amelie)))Honey, it sounds like depression!Weall get it at one point or another, but it can be like tar...sticking to everything and turning everything it touches black, that is black as in lacking in color. Life is full color though babygirl, so when we get depressed we are not fully living life. Oh how I wish and want for you to shake this icky, sticky pattern...it feeds itself and consumes us along the way. Could let loose on a serious ramble, but won't...
When you wake up, stretch up and then reach down and touch your toes. It'll help your blood flow and maybe remind you that you are blessed to be able to do such. Once you touch your toes, use them to take you some where...even if it's to the bus stop just to watch the folks coming and going... but get up, get out & go.
'Idle time leads to an idle mind and an idle mind is the devils playground.'

2 Dollar Productions said...

I think it's normal to retreat in yourself for bits of time, especially if you enjoy yourself enough to stay engaged with whatever you happen be doing in your hermetic lifestyle. And these brief retreats make the world more fun when you finally do re-enter it. Good luck dipping your toe back in the water, and just bury the anger at the no-texting thing, since your friendship is far more important.

Amélie said...

skinnylittlesister: Hey :( Yeah I realize its depression... but really it's like I never know what to expect from my brain. One day things are beautiful and the next I am bitter and cynical. I don't know! Sometimes I wish I was a more optimistic person. I've been trying to get out of the house more though... I'm better, but I still have issues to deal with I think. Thank you for the comment. Your comments always make things make more sense.

2dollar: Hey! Well I hope the diving back into the world part happens soon, because I just feel like hiding in my own cocoon for the next little while. I think I need the school year to start so that I can be so busy that I don't have time to be like this.

skinnylittlesister said...

humming a song by Janes' Addiction in my head... 'It ain't easy living...'
:)I think we all go through stages and phases and days where we wish could be more this, that or the other. I have noticed in my own life, not to imply it is the same with yours, that when the crap hits the fan I zoom right through on auto-pilot and when everything, from the outside looking in, seems hunky-dory...I have a tendency to pick things apart, specifically me. Ah, but these are the times that allow for growth and awareness...