Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Chipped paint.

Here we are, it's July and I'm still in school. I only have 2 classes but I feel like I'm going insane. With a paper for tuesday, and an exam in 2 weeks for managerial I don't know how I'm going to do this. Friday and Saturday will be spent at the hospital, which really leaves me a lot less time for everthing that needs to get done. I can't focus. This week was probably the worst for me attention span wise. I sat in class for 3 hours and heard nothing, understood nothing. I sat through the lab and didn't absorb anything.

The appeal process for school is taking so long. Every time I think I'm finished appealing, they tell me I need to do something new. Now they want proof of my dad's brain surgery, and I don't know how to get that without asking them. They have enough on their plates as it is and I don't want to bring up school right before a surgery.

Getting out of the car today I opened the door without thinking and slammed it into our other car parked in the garage. I chipped some of the paint off and came home to glares. Mom's face forms into a permanent frown when she looks at me.

He tries to be understanding, but I don't think he understands how this feels. I feel like a burden on everything and everybody and I don't want to be comforted either.

I leave the house in the morning and come back at 11 p.m to everyone either asleep or away in their private worlds. I haven't really seen dad in days and on friday he goes to the hospital. I havent' even gotten to have dinner with him before we all scatter around hospital rooms. He got so angry at the chipped paint, but all I could think about was how insignificant it was compared to everything we've been through in the past year. All I could think about was how insignificant it was to the pain and hardships of surgery, chemotherapy, death.

7 comments:

Orhan Kahn said...

I suggest you start using cocaine. It will free up alot of hours in your day that you usually spend sleeping. Or something.

Trust me on this. Or something.

Woozie said...

I know his advice seems hard to follow in the beginning, but in retrospect his advice has only been fucking stupid on one or two occasions. Cocaine is seconded, if you can afford it. Crack is a good budget alternative.

Amélie said...

er.. thanks guys?

eccentric recluse said...

I hate to play the straight man for the two Stooges there, (no offense), but that has never stopped me before.

Call the surgeons office and speak with the office manager, they will provide a note, on a letterhead, to help you with the appeal, without getting into the doc's space and/or schedule. It need not be a complicating factor.

Stay away from the coke & crack, too expensive and counterproductive right now. Some other alternative will turn up, (always does).

good luck.

Amélie said...

hey eccentric. Thanks for the advice : ) I actually went through my dad's medical files today and found some documents that helped so it's all good now. Yesterday I was just in a really crappy place in my mind.

Omar said...

Ha! I actually thought of these two fellas when I read their most erudite comments, but chose to remain quiet about it. Thanks, er! You da man..

(take as much offense as needed)

Amélie said...

lol omar